I feel I should start this post with a warning that I am not a huge fan of New Year. Maybe it's because I love Christmas so or because I dislike being told to have fun NOW, I don't know. I do know however that I don't like New Year's resolutions and all the self imposed pressure that they create. It seems mad to me that choosing to start something new or do something differently somehow means more if you make that decision on January 1st. It's a bit bonkers.
That said, this year I do feel the odd compulsion to make a statement about what I want to do in 2015. I think it's the clarity that a week or so off work has brought and the space to see that it has given. I have loved my break this year and I've had time to look back over the last twelve months with fresh eyes. There's no doubt, I'm incredibly chuffed with what has been achieved but similarly, what's fallen by the wayside makes me a little sad.
You see, the things that have slipped are my things. I have allowed myself to be blown off course too frequently. Not by a lot each time but many times over and all of those tiny deviations from my goal have left it too far away. I want to write another book you see. There, I've said it, that's what I want. I have an idea, a burning idea that makes me smile whenever I think of it but instead of doing it, I do other things. Family things, work things, things that seem important but aren't really and things that no-one would notice if they were never done again. My agenda seems to be written in the lightest pencil strokes whilst the other points on the never-ending list are writ large in thick black marker pen.
This is, however, no-one's fault but my own. I am the only one who is truly in charge of my ship and I should be setting the course, trimming the sail and staying alert at the wheel to keep me moving in the right direction. So that's what I'm going to do this year. I'm joining The Self Preservation Society and putting myself first. Not all the time, just some of the time. Actually, just enough of the time to achieve something that will light up my life.
And it's important. It's important for me for certain but it's also important for my son and my step-children to see that if you want something, you work for it, you prioritise it and you go after it. It's important to know what you want and to know what will make you happy and, most of all, to know that those things are worth chasing.
So chase I will. Because I know where I'm heading.